Day 29 - Dream Share - Gimli - 29 July 2011

I do realize that what is written in our MP's are meant to be private. Their intention - I believe - is to write them out, get them down (in longhand for emotional release) on paper and then let them go. I'm trying to do that but I need to know WHY I'm thinking or dreaming or writing down some of the things that's coming out. Just getting them out of my head is helpful but I need to understand them.

Today is the first day I'm sharing a dream - and I've been dreaming a lot.
Here's my journal entry for 29 July 2011.

MP 16

Ok, I don't know WTF is up with all of these dreams! The one I was abruptly awakened from (pounced upon by Bilbo via Jerry's noise making) had me in the midst of a moment that I've been longing for for 3.5 years.

I was shopping and my mother was with me - that thought & memory is a beautiful dream in and of itself as she and I used to shop often together. I knew that Gimli was with us as well... I felt him there but didn't immediately see him. I was comfortable, at ease. 

I couldn't find whatever it was I was shopping for (clothing, I think) so while my mother continued perusing at the store we were in I told her that I would check around the corner at the next shop for what I was looking for. Gimmie stayed with her, which is odd because mother never met our Sphynx. She died in 2003 and we didn't get the boys until 2005.

I entered a small, nicely decorated dress shop... more artsy than the department-like store I'd just left. I began to look through the racks of clothes but couldn't find what I wanted. I was having a good time. I felt happy and peaceful. I soon became tired of looking/shopping and sensed that some amount of time had passed since I'd been in the store. I sat down, opened a can of Fancy Feast, and began cutting the loaf into bite-sized pieces on a paper plate. I steadily grew restless while waiting for mom to arrive with Gimli. I told the shop owners that I would need to go and check on them because Gimli was a little hairless cat and I didn't want anything to happen while he was out. I explained that I wanted to bring him into the store when I returned... to eat the food, I guess.

I went to the door and put on my shoes (which were my favourite flip-flops, and an odd choice for public shopping for me). When I opened the door I saw Gimli approaching. I stood there, waiting, as he came nearer. I squatted down at the door to be at his level. When he got near to the door he stopped and sat down just outside the entrance and looked at me. Mother wasn't with him. I called his name but he didn't budge. I wondered if he knew me, remembered me, had forgotten me in the moments we'd been apart from one store to the next. Then I whistled my special whistle for him as I used to do. I reverse the flow of air so that it "flutters" and makes a bird-like sound. His ears perked up and he came across the threshold and into my - oh god! - arms! Warm, soft and purring, he nuzzled my hair and looked into my face. As was uncommon, his front paws were straddling my neck in a hug. I hugged him back and felt such joy. As I stood holding him I started to gently sway and coo and sing his song. His face went to my neck to sweetly cuddle.

I hate that my dream was so fleeting. I hate that I didn't get to hold my sweet Gimmie Gims longer. But, for the first time since losing him, I FELT him in my arms. I felt his warmth. I felt that he knew me and knew I loved him so very much.

It's a bit ironic that Bilbo, who loved Gimmie and grieved his death, was in my arms immediately after Gimli's presence disintegrated into dream wisps. It's sweet, too, that Gimmie's niece, Rose, was there to get a cuddle from her mommy (she looks so much like Gimli to me that I call her my Gimmie-Girl).
I don't know why my mother was there but it felt as though she was watching over Gimli - and probably the other beloved pets we've had throughout a lifetime; Nicky Poo, Roo Roo Kitty, Duffer, Sportscoup, Ching and most recently, Morris. I didn't have any interaction with my mother but her presence and task, I think are self-evident. I don't believe in gods or angels, but I'd like to believe in this.

It's sweet... I'm left with a strange feeling of love, a beautiful moment, deep sadness upon waking, gratitude for the dream gift and all the while I've been posting this I have been surrounded by my four lovely Sphynx. Bilbo is right beside me at the keyboard... sitting as closely as he can to the mouse and by his mommy. Rose is sitting on the edge of the desk and leaning over to nudge me and rub her head on my shoulder. Lily and Siggy are at my feet, although Sigmund, being a little ADHD, is riffling through some papers under the desk that he should leave alone. But I feel loved and I feel like they sensed I needed them around me. Love is love and is infinite, at least in our dreams.